I had a total crisis the night before our Blogger Flea Market. I mean not an actual crisis, but one of confidence and wardrobe. 100% a first world problem.
Basically I've gotten, well, fat. It's been a long time coming. When I moved to the US I weighed a measly 130lbs at a whopping 5ft10. Decidedly underweight. Six years later I decided to weigh myself. It's not like I've been in complete denial, obviously I know that I've gotten bigger - I've gone up several dress sizes (4/6 - 10/12) but discovering I weighed 192lbs. Well. The panic set it.
Suddenly nothing looked right and I was honestly disgusted with myself and sat down and cried. Now what happens when I cry, is a good purging, it gives me a chance to pull myself together, and once I decided that my clothes weren't making me look fat, but my fat making me look fat, I thought "sod it" and broke about every fashion rule in the book.
- Horizontal stripes √
- Tight Jersey √
- High Neckline √
- Flats with a pencil skirt √
And whilst all these things are certainly not recommended for someone of my girth - my newly found "sod it" status won over - and I felt good, and that was about all that mattered.
Now it would be remiss of me not to mention - it's wonderful to be happy and confident with your size, I'm all for it. But at 192lbs at 5ft 10 - that does make me clinically overweight - and I don't want to be overweight - I don't want to be underweight again either. But I am determined to lose these pounds - swimming, the gym and vegetables are all happening and I'm already down to 188lbs (which of course could just be water weight) so here's to a healthy and hopefully slimmer 2012.
What I Wore: Skirt: Forever 21, Top: Topshop, Necklace: Forever 21, Chucks (with switched out laces) and Raybans.
Edited to include the "before" picture:
Me circa 2006.
Kelsi xx
Very honest post. Thanks for sharing.
Hey! I'm running the Hollywood 10K on April 7th! Want to run with us? We're not runners.. but motivated and looking to shed some lbs in the whole process too. :)
Sandy
Posted by: Sandy | February 01, 2012 at 03:13 PM
Love this post. You look great either way but I think it's great you want to be healthy. Go Kelsi!
Posted by: chanelle | February 01, 2012 at 03:34 PM
Awesome post! You look great int he outfit, btw!!
Natalie
Posted by: Natalie Frey | February 01, 2012 at 04:50 PM
Love this post and your honesty. You look amazing! Love this outfit.
Posted by: Tess | February 01, 2012 at 04:58 PM
Just discovered your blog and I'm very inspired by this post! I can relate to your feelings so well! I wish you so much luck in your journey!
Posted by: Adiel | February 01, 2012 at 05:04 PM
Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! Make's me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! xx
Posted by: Kelsi | February 01, 2012 at 08:55 PM
Aw and thanks Sandy - unfortunately that's not something I have time for - but good luck with it! xx
Posted by: Kelsi | February 01, 2012 at 08:56 PM
Lawd, lady. You look fabulous, regardless of the number. And hell, you could stick at 180 and gain tons of muscle from working out. You'd still be fabulous. As an also overweight gal, I'm trying to focus less on the number and more how I feel. Do I feel strong? Healthy? Capable of dying fighting in a zombie apocalypse? If so-- than that's really all that matters.
Posted by: Ashe @ Ash in Fashion | February 02, 2012 at 05:59 AM
i saw the weight gain but you're still deadly gorgeous and your body still looks good...both the slenderness and full figured body suits you...new follower-duhh :*
Posted by: Alberta | February 03, 2012 at 07:03 PM